To Date or Not To Date - The Big Debate

Before we start, I want you to think about and write down what dating means to you.

Take a moment to do that at this time.

Now let’s look at what dating is, compare it with what you wrote down and see if it lines up with the kingdom of heaven’s perspective. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Well let’s go!

Dating means to have romantic social engagements with. Looking at the root word romance, it means to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas. To try to influence favor especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery. To carry on a love affair with. Being romantic is marked by imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized. It is marked by expressions of love or affection; conducive to or suitable for lovemaking.

I want you to notice something very important here: these last two definitions deal with your thoughts and imagination.

In Romans 1:22-25, idolatry; the sin of the mind against God (Ephesians 2:3), and immorality; sins of the flesh, are associated and are traced to a lack of acknowledgment of God and of gratitude to Him.

An idolater is a slave to the depraved ideas his/her idols represent, Galatians 4:8-9; and thereby to divers lusts, Titus 3:3. The phrase divers lust means several different types of lusts.

Dating also means to make an appointment with, as a member of the opposite sex. Did you know that the formal word for dating is court?

Court means to seek the affection of; especially to seek to win a pledge of marriage from; to perform actions in order to attract for mating; to seek to attract by attentions or flattery; to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage.

Here are some synonyms for court: attract, allure, solicit, entice, pursue, make love, woo, propose, ask in marriage, go steady, go together, go with, make a play for. Woo means to seek the love of, usually in order to propose marriage.

So, when you’re dating or courting the other person, what are your real motives? Is it godly or is it based off the diseased condition of your soul – your sin nature?

The problem I have with dating or courting is that, for the most part, it is rooted from the *psychikos (soo-khee-kos') person and not the *pneumatikos (nyoo-mat-ik-os') person. People often act like someone they’re not in order to get what they want based on the desires and affections of their *psyché (soo-khay') and not on what God wants. They are, unintentionally (if they’re seriously pursuing God), seeking to please the flesh and not their spirit. But for the most part, this is intentional because of the hidden motives.

When you operate from the psuchikos person, demons can play all kind of tricks on you and hide the truth of who the other person really is.

They will blind your mind in order to hurt you; disabling your ability to discern the authentic person God has for you. They’ll also play on your emotions and have you operating in your flesh – the godless human nature with its appetites, passions and desires.

I know there are some Christian Ministries that encourage dating. However, based upon what you read so far in these articles, do you want the perfect will of God for your life or are you willing to conform to the world’s system to get what you want? How far are you willing to go to experience more of the reality of God?

Now, I don’t see a problem with a group of singles hanging out as friends. But if your motive for hanging out is to find a mate for yourself, that’s when you’ll run into problems, because God looks at the motives of your heart.

Most people date because that’s what the world’s system has taught them to do. But the purpose of this ministry is to teach you that God has a much better system. God wants you to learn His system for finding a mate, under His guidance and protection.

The kingdom of heaven’s system is so awesome that it guarantees you can be single, saved and satisfied with the Savior, enjoying life and who you are in His presence for the rest of your life. And if God decides to give you a mate, it’s just icing on the cake!

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Selah Insight

Courting or dating is the world’s system of feeling a person out to see if you like them or not; to see if the two of you are compatible. It is where “you” decide or judge to see who is right or wrong for you.

The Tree of Life represents the “Judge”; the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil represents “self.” Which one will you choose?

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