If I Don’t Date, How Will I Know Who’s Right For Me?

That’s a good question. Most people date because that’s what the world’s system has taught them to do all of their lives. I think the real question is; does the Bible show Christians a better system to follow so I can know who’s right for me? And the answer is “yes!”

I’ll begin by saying this, as a Christian, you must realize that you were engrafted in Christ and became a new creation altogether. Your old moral and spiritual condition has ceased to live. You have been given a fresh and new moral and spiritual life (2 Corinthians 5:17).

The purpose of studying the Bible is to help you hear God for yourself and learn how to function on earth as a new creature in the Kingdom of God. Therefore, you must not fall in with or adapt to the external, superficial customs and fleeting fashions of this world, which is your old sinful nature. Instead, undergo a deep inner change by the entire renewing of your mind as the Spirit of God alone can work in you (Romans 12:2).

If you seriously want to experience the reality of Christ, you must live your single life from your new nature; Christ’s mindset, character and lifestyle. What you are about to read is God’s perspective on dating.

First, let’s look at what God did for the first single, Adam. God put man in the Garden, which was a particular place where He wanted man to be, to dress and keep it (Genesis 2:8, 15). Garden is a covered or hidden place; to hedge about, i.e., protect, -defend. God gave Man a covering when He placed Man in a hidden or secret place where He could protect and defend Man. Man is to reflect this spiritual reality in earth.

The Garden is a place of protection. The Hebrew word for Eden means, “Seeing the Entrance of life.” The Garden of Eden was created to be an enjoyable place. Even its name means “pleasant.” It was “paradise.” Here, in the garden, Adam and Eve were able to see and experience the passageway, or entrance of life. This was God’s original intent for humanity.

The most significant trait of the Garden of Eden was the presence of the Judge, “the Entrance to life.” The Hebrew word for judge is “dan.” The word picture created by the ancient letters tells us that a judge is the door of life. God’s goal, even in judgment, is to offer refuge and direction. His goal is to bring life. We need to understand what it means and what will happen if we make Him our Judge.

Let’s look at another aspect of “the door of life.” Read Hebrews chapter 4, verse 12 (the Amplified Version). The definition for word is a written or printed character or combination of characters representing a spoken word: the expressed or manifested mind and will of God. The Hebrew word picture describes “word” as the door of the Son, the door into a person, or the door of maturity (of a son). Isn’t that amazing!

When we study the Word of God to show ourselves approved, we are entering the door of life through Jesus Christ. And when we apply the Word in every aspect of our lives, the Word becomes our Judge; the door of life. A “judge” is also a Ruler - the person who determines right and wrong, and an Advocate - Psalm 68:5 says, “God is a father to the fatherless and a judge (advocate) for the widows.”

Therefore, you must realize that God is your Judge; the door of life. He is offering you refuge and direction. God Himself is the One who determines who is right for you and who is wrong for you.

Eden lived up to its name, and Adam and Eve saw (experienced) the Door of life as long as they were looking to “the Judge” to determine what was right and wrong. But when Eve, and then Adam, decided to become their own judge, they turned their backs on the Door to life. God wants to be our Judge in the beginning of a matter rather than at the end. He wants us to turn to Him when we need justice, help, or discernment. That includes finding the right husband or wife.

The problem I have with dating is that, for the most part, it is rooted from the old nature and not the new nature. People often act like someone they’re not in order to get what they want based on the desires and affections of their old nature and not on what God wants. They are, unintentionally (if they’re seriously pursuing God), seeking to please the flesh and not their spirit. But for the most part, this is intentional.

When you operate from the old nature, demons can play all kind of tricks on you and hide the truth of who the other person really is. They will blind your mind in order to hurt you; disabling your ability to discern the authentic person God has for you.

I know there are some Christian Ministries that encourage dating. However, the question you have to ask yourself is this: do you want the perfect will of God for your life and allow Him to be your Judge, or are you willing to conform to the world’s system to get what you want and be your own judge? How far are you willing to go to experience more of the reality of God?

God wants you to learn His system for finding a husband or wife, under His guidance and protection. The kingdom of heaven’s system is so awesome that it guarantees you can be single, saved and satisfied with the Savior, enjoying life and who you are in His presence for the rest of your life. And if God decides to give you a husband or wife, it’s just icing on the cake!

We’ll talk more about this in other bible studies and articles.